‘Doom, gloom and a whole load of nothing’: why is House of the Dragon so painfully dull? | House of the Dragon
UWhen House of the Dragon arrived in 2022, it promised epic television that we’ve been missing ever since Game of Thrones, to which it is a prequel. Targaryens! Dragons! Matt Smith in an ice blonde wig! Event TV was about to make a fiery comeback. almost 10 million people tuned in to watch the first episode in the US, making it HBO’s most-watched series premiere. But he barely managed to cough up a ring of smoke, let alone set the small screen on fire.
We’ve been stuck between a rock (Dragonstone) and an anvil (King’s Landing) for most of the series. There were scenes so dimly lit you should have booked an eye test. And the franchise quickly lost its reputation. In short: it it was extremely boringno match for her juggernaut sister.
However, the breathless season finale – in which Emond’s one-eyed dragon Vagar swallows a small dragon Arax in mid-air and causes the young Luceris to fall to his death – suggested that after a sluggish start to world-setting and alliance-making, the beast of the show was about to be let loose. Only GoT after all really began after Ned’s shocking death near the end of season one.
So here we are, two episodes into season two and still waiting.
It had a promising start: the Westeros equivalent of the Bayou Tapestry in the new captions was exciting, as was arriving at Winterfell for the first time (hooray!) and meeting Stark (double hooray!) at the Wall – a taster of perhaps more, much-needed skipping the world to come. But the Stark boy was quick to spoil the moment with the painfully sincere line, “They’ll fight hard… like Northerners.” Things quickly went downhill.
The first hour was spent spelling out what in the seven hells was going on, and yet some of us still had to watch it again three times to find out, because at least seven characters have the same name, and they seem to be multiplying . Even when who’s who is clearer, the next big problem—a much bigger one—is that it’s hard to care about any of them.
The marketing team is pushing for a Green vs Black game – but neither team is worth the cheerleading. Without a clear case of good vs. evil, we need a more intriguing plot to root for: no one wanted the Lannisters to win, but they were exciting to watch. Everyone here is as dumb, petty and morally ambiguous as anyone else. There are many tales, but where are the cunning intrigues? There isn’t a single exciting character – hero or villain.
Rhaenyra, whose gaze in last season’s climax vowed to unleash a hellish vengeance, sulks like a dragon for most of the opening episode. The new king of the Iron Throne, Emond, is a brat – nothing more, nothing less. Allison has cool sex in between rolling her eyes at the men around her (the most notable thing about the oral sex scene is that she’s wearing tiny heels). Even Damon has lost his mean, problematic swagger.
The most pathetic character to walk Westeros, though: Ser Kristen Cole, a dark, tasteless hypocrite who can’t handle rejection and is too weak to stop breaking his knightly oath by fooling around with queens while constantly blaming the others for failing to fulfill their duties to the crown. I just want to swat it away like a fly so someone else can use the screen time. It’s fun to hate characters, but this guy is dumb – give me a bad egg worthy of my wrath (Joffrey).
Anyway, things picked up when Blood and Cheese – gold cloak and rat catcher – managed to wander into the royal private chambers (one of the many questionable moments: it’s a paranoid palace protected by dragons) and decapitate the heir to Aemond Jaehaerys (not to be confused with Jaehaera or Jacaerys) before his mother Helaena. It was terrible. It was breathtaking. This … led to another hour of people grieving another brutally murdered child we barely knew.
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What followed was more doom and gloom and a whole load of nothingness. After saying she wants Aegon dead (literally her only line so far), Rhaenyra is inexplicably horrified to learn that Damon ordered the killing “son for son”. And the fatal sword fight between the estranged twin brothers Eric and Aric, when one of them (I really can’t tell who) tries to kill Rhaenyra? No one cares – especially when a vowel is the only thing worth noting about them.
Terrible writing (the scene where Helena warns off the rats in the palace was so bad), the lack of a single likable character (GoT was actually funny – who laughed at a single line of HotD?) and a consistently depressing mood (another plot that doesn’t involve infanticide please) left me cold. When will dragon fire bring the heat?
Critics who have seen the first four episodes promise the real action starts soon, with a CGI dragon action payoff – but what a drag to get there. Hopefully we’ll also see more of Winterfell or anywhere that isn’t gray. It might never have reached the heights of GoT, but it’s missing the smaller important things: the humor, the heart, and the characters. They may have turned on the lights, but – now that we can see them properly – it would be great to feel something for them too.
